Monday, July 4, 2011 | By: 2r1n Christ Marriage and Relationship Ministry

A Solution To A Sexless Marriage

Oh do we love summer!!! Yes it gets hot in July but still its summer. Its a time to get out and enjoy. Even the hot days are welcome when you think back over the long hard winter. These are the lazy hazy days of fun and relaxation. Even as you work its something about summer that puts you in a slow easy mode. With this relaxed  state of mind this month we want to tackle a matter that many couples are facing that they find difficult to talk about. From our research its becoming a mini epidemic. What could this be you say? Well what many couples are now facing is living together in a sexless marriage. This topic maybe too detailed and graphic for many of our readers so at this point if you don't think God made physical intimacy for the married couple for fun and enjoyment then you definitely need to stop reading this months loveazine. However if you find yourself in this state or want to prevent it from happening in your marriage then you need to continue with this months lesson.

Not tonight dear, I have a headache and it will last at least one year!!!
Growing up watching TV in the early 60's the sitcoms would have a couple and the man would be asking the woman for that special time and she would answer " Not tonight dear, I have a headache". At the time I didn't really see the joke and now that I'm pass my prime I still don't get it. I know that it had to do with physical intimacy between a married couple I get that much but why are they saying no? That's the part that does not compute. Really isn't that the greatest perk that a married couple has? God's blessing on sexual relationship!!! Comedians use this as something very funny and it could be if it was not true.

Don't get me wrong sexual intercourse is not the only thing that will make a marriage work. We know its more to it then that but no sex in a marriage is a quick way of breaking up the relationship for good. When couples aren't connecting physically in an intimate way then emotional as well as physical needs are not met and the marriage suffers greatly. It will not last. Don't get me wrong there maybe unique situations that will cause a couple to not be able to have a physical relationship such as illness still the couple care for one another and may show it in a physical way that is non sexual. But when there is no problem with health then a married couple should be connecting on the physical as often as possible.

According to a recent study it concluded that between 15% and 20% of married couples fall into this sexless marriage state. They considered that as an epidemic. They further stated that a sexless marriage was one in which the couple make love no more than 10 times a year. We know that sex isn't the ultimate test of a loving relationship, however physical intimacy is a vital way to stay emotionally connected with each other. It brings that therapeutic touch into the couples being when it is given often and freely.  It also has other advantages to the spouses because its fun, relaxing, a good nights sleep and can even make you loose weight by giving you some exercise. (wink, wink).

The bad thing about this entire problem is that if the couple continues to withhold sexual relations long enough, then eventually both of you will get use to the lack of it. Then you will stop trying to initiate it with each other. That will just open the door for satan to allow another to come in and before you know it cheating will completely destroy your marriage. The good news is that with a little bit of understanding and work you can rekindle the physical intimacy you both once enjoyed.

God did it!
We need to stop right here and get the real foundation about sex. Our enemy satan always want to lie and pretend that he did something. Understand that all he can do is copy, steal and destroy. Sexual relations was not created by the devil. He can not create anything. Neither is sex the original sin. That happened to be pride which he did thinking he was better than the one that created him. That's why he got kicked out...oh wait a moment getting off the subject. Physical intimacy not just "sex" is the original blessing that was created for us the married couple by God Himself!!! So how could something given to us by Him as a Gift be a sin? That's like saying God is a sinner and we know there is no sin in Him He is just pure love. Physical intimacy and not just plain old "sex" is our joining completely together and becoming one. That's why the proper term is making love or creating physical love. Its a joining of two parts of the physical person to be one in every way. Spiritually, mentally, emotionally, socially and physically.

Only the Almighty could create such a union. Ok then lets look at it another way if you can't accept the spiritual union of physical intimacy. Lets look at what God did....He saw that man needed something to complete him so the first present that He gave him was a beautiful naked woman created from man's own body. The next thing He did was told them to be fruitful and multiply how...that had to copulate and make babies. After telling the man and woman what they needed to do to become a couple or one unit he placed them in that wonderful garden with all provisions provided. God then looked at His couple and said "BEHOLD, IT IS VERY GOOD"!!! So no matter how you look at it this is a precious gift from our Heavenly Father and we should not take it lightly or throw it back in His Face as if we don't need it.

The next point might take the entire month of reading this over and over to understand but its summer a good time to get some reading done.

God created everything after his own nature.
Father God patterned all that he created after his own nature and lets face it that includes erotic pleasure and reproduction. Romans 1:20 bacsicly tells us that if we observe creation we can gain knowledge of our Creator. God created all the finite and material in the image of his non-material self. Now don't start throwing the stones until you read the explanation!!! We must study and search but as we do this we will discover the association of each thing our Abba created with some aspect of his image.
1. In the image of His Infinity He created time with its past, present, and future.
2. To reflect the very existence of Him God created matter.
3. In the image of his power He created energy.
4. He created vast space to reflect his boundlessness.
5. He created motion in the image of his activity. 
6. In the image of His Wisdom He created the mind.
7. In His Self-determination he created the will.
8. Our human body was created in the image of God's connection with physical creation.
9. In the very image of our Father God's Soul He created music.
10. He created color in the image of His Beauty.
11. In the image of God's experience of Himself He created the senses of sight, touch, smell, taste, and hearing.
12. In the image of the second person of the Godhead "THE WORD" He created speech and writing.
13. Our human spirit was created in the image of the third person of the Godhead "THE HOLY SPIRIT".
14. Sex, where spirit, soul, and body merge into oneness, was created in the image of communion within the Godhead.
15. In the image of God's creative powers He created copulation, conception, and birth.
16. Last but not least erotic pleasure was created in the image of worship.

I know I have given you a lot to think about and ponder on that's why we give you an entire month to read and meditate on these matters. However seeing it this way allows you to see all that God has done to show us Himself and we must be thankful and grateful for every little thing. I will just elaborate on #16 for a moment because this is the bottom line about having a sexless marriage. God didn't just give us physical intimacy to just reproduce. If so He could have made us like animals that come into heat at a certain time of the year. He gave it to us for us to enjoy one another in a form of worship. For those of us who have been in a true spiritual worship experience and a true erotic experience knows that one is the image and the other is the reality. The true heights of worship transcend erotic pleasure in degree, but not in kind. True worship occurs when you lose consciousness of self and focus upon the person of God with humility, wonder, admiration, devotion and most of all love. The true state of worship is the most intense period of concentration anyone can know. It is an out of body experience. True worship of God is the height of purity, wholeness, peace , joy, and love. It is a state of being from which you never want to leave. God being whom He Is created a counter-part to this image in the form of erotic pleasure. When you reach that state of orgasmic release it shoots you straight to heaven where you get to SEE THE FACE OF GOD and you don't ever want to come back. WOW REALLY WHAT A GIFT!!! If you can't accept my concept on worship and exotic pleasure please email me what you think God created in His image to reflect worship.


How to rekindle the physical intimacy you once enjoyed.
1. Stop playing the blame game
One of the first steps to salvaging your marital sex life is to stop blaming each other for the problem. Sit down and calmly talk about the situation and be truthful. Make a vow to God as you pray together to get to the real root of the problem and to then fix it.
2. Talk it out
This one goes along with the blame game. You can not silently walk around in agony over the abstinence. Nor can you just keep hoping things will change. You both must sit down in a relaxed manner and just honestly talk about everything where the abstinence issue is concern. Do not look at it as being embarrassing because its so taboo. This is a major part of martial life and both of you should be able to have an no holds bar discussion about what's not right with your current physical intimacy problem.
3. If all else fails enlist a Pro for help
Sometimes no matter how hard you try things just can't be resolved by you. That's when you may need a trusted marriage mentor or pastor. You may even have to seek Christian counseling.  A marriage pro may help you to articulate the matter to each other better and can keep it confidential. He/she may be able to give you a fresh perspective and provide you with some new solutions.
4. Now take action
After all of the talking is done then stop analyzing the emotional issues and move to resolution. You must now resolve the problem using the physical. Ok spelled out ITS TIME FOR THE BEDROOM ACTION!! Don't wait until you feel in the mood those days are over for now. As always my suggestion is to make a weekly date night and always follow the date with the physical action. This is a must at least each week and more if the need be but never skip date night no matter what. Even before the date night everyday take 10 min. of your time where the two of you come together and just hug, kiss, hold hands or just touch one another as you tell each other how thankful you are that God blessed you with your spouse. Just 10 min a day mandatory as well as once a week date night followed by a night of passionate love making.

Well I do understand that this loveazine topic has been long but I pray its helpful. To those that find there marriage in this situation and to those who don't ever want their marriage to come to this knowledge is the power. With God all things are possible and He has placed the information for us to have. The world want to convience you that marriage is obsolete and if you can't get along to just divorce. That's not God's plan for marriage and since He created it then He's the source to solving any problems we may encounter. As always 2-R-1-N CHRIST is here for you and offer all that we have and all that we have learned to help you have a Godly marriage and relationship.

  2-R-1-N CHRIST
         Marriage and Relationship Ministry