There is No Spring without Winter

Hang in there Spring will come

I didn't want to talk about this. I know you don't believe me but really I didn't want to bring this up. I was determined not to talk about celebrities and their marriage. I was just going to let this one slide on by. But we have to face the fact that we are a marriage and relationship ministry and we are always looking at what's current about marriage in the news.

Unfortunately  we have those people who are in the limelight at all times and while its not always fair but even when they are having troubles in their home we are all up in it. Most of you have already deduced that I'm talking about the recent announcement to the break up of Seal and Heidi Klum. How could this have happened to them? This was the couple who had been married for 8 years and every year except this one they renewed their wedding vows. 

I was shocked when I found that out. How sweet I thought...how focus....what a wonderful way to place your marriage under the words that you said on that day. Many of us don't even remember what we said to each other. That day was a flash in most of our minds. We had worked so hard for that day and then all of the emotions and the words hitting your heart and before you knew it you were married and it was time to let go and have your party and cake.

Then marriage hits you and reality sets in and whatever you said that day not only did you forget but you wish you never said any of it. Those marital seasons hit you and as I've said so many times many of those hard seasons makes you want to really throw in the towel. But that is the real of marriage. The wedding day is just the icing on the cake of marriage. It's the highlight.

It is not the marriage. While I really don't know what this couple's problems are from an outsider looking in what I see is that every year they renewed their vows they wanted to be in the wedding day moment. It was not the words of the vows that was important it was the icing on that happy day cake. We can get addicted to wanting to be in the spring of marriage forever. 

It's a very nice season. All is fresh and new. The future looks bright and your worries are low. You are in that love with life mode and you don't have to face the real. While the concept of renewing your values yearly sounds good maybe what they should have been doing is learning how to work pass that season of promise and then working with those vows to keep then strong during the difficult seasons. Again looking from the outside in it appears that while every year for the first 7 years you played and kept starting over and over with vow renewals then when the 8th year came that real winter season the only way to handle it is to separate and seek the divorce courts. Then go public after each year before you stood smiling again after having your vows being read to you over and over.

This is the winter season that your marriage is in and you need to buckle down put on your warm clothing and shovel the snow. The cold, freezing weather that makes you just want to quit and sit someplace warm doing nothing. The season when in marriage no matter what you do or say things are cold and you are angry for no reason. It appears that your household is falling apart. That the person you married is no longer the love of your life and you just want out. You want to take a vacation to a warm tropical paradise and wait out the cold season.

In marriage you just can not do that. This season while cold and harsh is so needed. Its needed just like during the real winter it clears the air. It kills the germs  and prepares the ground for spring and planting. It puts you in close confinement where you have to deal with each other. Where you have to face what's in front of you...where you have to deal. This is the season that you grab each other's cold hands and you run to Jesus. 

You run and you fall down together on your knees seeking His direction and comfort. You reach out to your pastor and marriage mentors. You throw yourself into marriage ministry looking to find comfort in your searching. You turn on your computer and you find us. Marriage has difficult seasons but those that have walked through them can help you see your way clear. That's where those wedding vows come in.

That's when you remember for better and for worse.

 In richer and in poorer

 To have and to hold

 In sickness and in health

 Until death do us part

 The winter season is the time that you reflect on those vows. You stand on the word of God. You cling together so your marriage can stay warm. You pray and pray and then pray some more. You speak life into your relationship. If you find that the two of you are pulling apart for whatever reason it is then find out ways that you can reconnect. 

While it was stated that they lived very busy lives and their businesses kept them apart then they needed to see what really mattered. God, the marriage, the family, and then business these are the things in that order thats important. We all need to work we must earn our living but after our basic needs are met we must really look at our wants. We must seek the Lord's guidance and ask Him where to place our energies. We must always make and plan time for a date night. Daily time to talk about each other's lives and we must share our hearts during the winter seasons more than another season.

What we must not do is run. Give up. Throw in the towel because just like the real winter season it always comes before spring. Ever notice how much more we appreciate spring after we have a very hard cold and difficult winter? The seasons are needed in life. In a marital couple's life you must stand strong together and then vow to love your way through whatever is facing you.

I have been in prayer for Seal and Heidi and their family. I heard an interview that he did where he spoke with so much love about his wife that I really feel with some mentoring and Godly support they will be a happy couple again. Remember Jesus said He will give us His peace. The Holy Spirit gives us love and joy. Happiness is a byproduct  of joy. You want to have the fruits of the Holy Spirit during this time in your life. I will continue to keep this couple in prayer.

I still feel for them because we should not have to know all of their personal business but that is also part of what they give up for fame. I pray over all married couples because right now marriage is being attacked by satan and we must stand strong and together praying for one another. 

So as I said I really didn't want to speak about this but its needed. You never know maybe some of the celebrities will read this and find a way to live and love in a marital state of bliss. Or as close to it as possible.

So when you are in the cold of winter remember that spring is right around the corner. We love to officiate over the couples who are just starting their marital lives. While the vows are said with love and sincerity  we always have them seal their vows with God's Word. We leave you with this very scripture that we have all of our couples say together. We leave this for you and for us so that we can  remember this during our harsh seasons as well.

Entreat me not to leave you, or to return from following after you, for where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people, and your God will be my God. And where you die, I will die and there I will be buried. May the Lord do with me and more if anything but death parts you from me. Ruth 1:16-17

Seek To Know Each Other Before You Leap Into Marriage

Seek to know each other before you leap into marriage

Recently we are seeing people get married one moment and then less than three months they are filing for divorce. Many of these marriages are blasted in front of our faces because these people are considered famous or everything that they do is public knowledge. 

There was a time I would not feel for these so called celebrities. I would have thought that they got what they sort...fame. However now i know that people are just that people. We want love and companionship no matter who we are. We all have our ups and our downs but at least when we are down or make a mistake the world does not need to know about it. 

Marriage is so important to us that whenever something is going on that involves marriage we look into it. So when a famous singer announced that she and her husband were divorcing after only 16 or 19 days (not sure of the exact number) my heart just hurt. I was upset and felt like here we go again another couple jumping into marriage and pretending. Another couple who does not hold the marriage commitment as sacred. When I voiced this my very own daughter corrected me.

She said "mom its not her fault. She didn't know that this would happen. From what I read they had friends who interfered and she found it impossible to be together as a couple. I really think she wanted her marriage." Her statement made me stop and look at the situation more closely. While I still had my reservations I had to wonder why this marriage lasted only days and another couples lasted only two months.

I came to one conclusion. While I have no information about the two couples. I'm not sure if they sort counseling or not but I do know that every couple should have pre-marital counseling before they say those "I Do's". As an officiate I marry a lot of couples and whole myself accountable for their union as God holds me. Many couples who seek our service don't use them because I make it clear that they must take the six-week premarital counseling course. 

This course is set up so that each aspect of their life is identified with a scenario that the couple as well as myself can discuss. The couple has to talk about as well as write out their answers to the questions. At the end of the course we talk about anything that concerns them face to face. They always have a written account of their sessions for future problems. 

Having these sessions are no guarantee that you will have a happy and lasting marriage but these sessions offers you insight as to how your marriage will progress. It offers the couple tools that they can use to help with possible stumbling blocks. It allows them to talk about potential concerns before they happen and it allows the couple to show each other how they will naturally react to the situation.

Many couples are so excited about being in love they forget that marriage is suppose to be for a lifetime. Many things can go on in a lifetime. People grow and change marriage does the same thing. Starting out in marriage with realistic goals and holding each party accountable for their role in the marriage. 

We teach that God is the Head of the marriage and that all truth is in God. Our marriage must be given over to Him and we must follow His direction. We must remember that marriage was created by Him and it is He who can tell us what is needed and how to last together for a life time.

Our marriage ministry has placed a six week pre-marital counseling session online for those couples to obtain and we don't have to be the officiate but we will answer their questions and give them God's guidance. Marriage is too important to enter into it lightly or without help. We must understand each other and attempt to go into it to last for the duration of our lives. We must learn that the couples goal is to become one together in Christ Jesus.

My prayer is that those celebrities who are going through this difficult period  would seek God to comfort them and to show them who their true mates are. Also that all couples before marriage seek counseling so that they have a chance to have that bliss know as a happy loving marriage.   

Has It Come To This?...The Only Way To Be Happy and Married Is To Marry A Vampire!

Are Vampires our only choice as a suitable spouse?

I am a lover of fiction. That is the best way for me to relax. To sit down with my favorite beverage and in my cozy chair. With my blanket with the arms already on it that way I won't get cold as I turn the pages of my book or press the bottom on my nook. Don't get me wrong I love reading the latest vampire craze. However what gets me is to see that the only way it seems that anyone can be in love or have a happy marriage is to be with a vampire.

I do understand the Twilight craze and True Blood. In fact I like both of these (well maybe not all of the Twilight saga) and they make the vampire lover so alluring. He out shines any man that God could ever create. But lets face it people not only is it fiction if this so call lover existed he or she would be dead. How in the world could anyone want to be touched by something dead? Having a spouse that when you touch them they feel cold as ice. When you lay on their chest there is no heartbeat. And in the latest part of the Twilight saga Breaking Dawn she not only marrys the vampire but gets pregnant. OK this is a stretch even for me. A dead man creating life with a living woman....really!!!

Believe it or not there are ladies and some men who are secretly wishing that they could marry a vampire. How crazy is that? Has marriage sunk that low that we would rather be with a fictitious dead man or woman who happens to come out at night and live on the blood of the living. Is that what love and marriage is all about? Us desiring to share our intimate lives with an undead creature.

Sure its fun and entertaining and really would make a great date night movie adventure. But its when I see or hear people emulating the vampire life because they would rather be this creature than what God has made them that's when I start to see just how sick the world is becoming. I'm for married couples playing out their fantasies with each other during their datenight fun time however that's where it should end.

Many reading this may think that I'm taking it to the extreme. But how much does TV and movies influence the lives of the young and the lonely?

I know for one when I was young and read the romance novels I expected life and love to be just that way. I looked for the knight in shinning armour. I expected my married life with my knight to be happily ever after. But the truth of the matter is that we are living in the real world.

A world that's hard and some times uncaring. A world that will not show love in the way that it was created to be. That's why we need God. We need Him to guide us into all truth and teach us how to love each other and to be mates for life. When we follow the creator of love and marriage than we will be able to endure in this harsh world. We will be able to stay together during the hard seasons of marriage.

We will desire each other instead of looking at fiction and wanting our lives to be like the minds of a gifted writer. Marriage is always a work in progress. When we remember that then there is nothing that will come our way that we can not work together with God as our leader and solve.

Personally I don't do well with cold. I don't like cold weather and I know I could not live with a cold dead person and having that person drinking my blood or even the blood of animals to live. That person who could never walk in the sun light or as the latest vampire stories they can walk in the sun light but will glow and appear strange. This is fiction and makes a wonderful spooky story. But that's where it stays in fiction land.

When we get married we come together to become one in Christ Jesus. We build our lives on the rock of God and there is nothing that will bring us down as long as we follow the real author of the life novel.

Don't get caught up in the nonsense of the world. Remember that the Creator makes all the rules. Love the living and enjoy one another as you grow together. Allowing Jesus to direct and guide your union.

So what do you think?..... let's talk about it.

The Wedding Ring

Together forever

The Wedding Ring

"The symbol of joining together in life and love. Once you put that ring on my finger I had no intentions of taking it off. It let the world know that I was in a union. A union that was blessed by God. Even if I didn't have one I would know that I belonged to you and you to me as we belonged as one with Christ. But sometimes when I least expect to I'm looking at my ring and thinking about how I love my wife and being a couple together in marriage."

This was the answer that my husband gave when I asked him how did he feel about his wedding ring. I didn't expect his answer in fact I never thought about the rings I wear. After getting his answer I began to think about the wedding ring and what it really meant.

During our ceremony and when I have married many couples we speak about the rings. The fact that it is an outward symbol of our union. The wedding ring is a complete circle. That continues from beginning to the end and onward. The ring is worn on the third finger left hand. This finger has a direct line that goes directly to the heart. This means that your marriage with its symbol is the closes thing to your life line your heart.

Many men don't wear their ring. Some say because they are not allowed to wear it at work this we can understand. Others say they just don't want to wear it. That has always bothered me because he should want the world to know that he has his special lady and that he is hands off. Many ladies state that they don't like to wear their rings. Most say because they can't at work but many say that they don't have to wear a ring to be married. That is true but this token was a major part of your wedding day and something that you can always look at that will lift your mood when you are having a really bad day. Or when you are upset with your spouse just looking at that symbol will take you out of that bad mood.

I do understand that a ring is not the marriage but just like what my husband said I do find myself still looking at my rings that are over 30 years old and maybe outdated and thinking how beautiful they are and how proud of my husband that I am for giving them to me. I want the world to know I belong to someone and just back off. Don't waste your time.

I love looking at the different wedding rings both male and female. I love to hear the story about how the female was asked and was she surprised or not. I love to see the glow in her eyes when she looks at her hand and thinks about her husband. Likewise I found that most of the men that wear their rings love them and are proud to be married. I see that they take their wedding vows serious and the ring is like a daily reminder of this great act of love. 

So what comes into your mine when you look at your wedding ring? Do you still wear your ring? How many times have you thought about the vows you said as you placed that ring on your spouse's finger? Let us know really what you think.

With this ring I do thee wed!

The Next Generation Still Wants Marriage

Will you marry me?
Of course I will!


On our new social network Feeling God there is a wonderful young lady who has a diary ministry in support of marriage. Its called "marriage the next generation". She has allowed me to use her name in this blog. I thank you marriage the next generation for your support of this ministry and Feeling God. So with that said I would like to get on with this blog.

Marriage the next generation. 

Many are saying that marriage as God created it is dead. That we must embrace the new and throw out the old. That marriage is meant for all no matter what their sexual orientation is. I'm not going to focus on same sex marriage. As a minister of God I can not go against His Word and Will but what I want to focus on is that no matter how the world attempt to corrupt and destroy God's Way and His Will always come through.

I seen this when we attended our granddaughter's first birthday party recently. We sat back and watched our daughter and her husband interact with one another. You could see the pride they had in their child and the joy of celebrating her first birthday. Everyone commented on how they got along as a couple and how they appeared so happy being married.

We got together after the party and my husband and I talked to the couple and informed them of what was said. Our daughter spoke about being happy and that while everything was not perfect they were truly happy. Her husband spoke about having the love of a Godly woman and the responsibility that he felt taking care of his girls. He said that he took pride in knowing that God was the leader of their home and that he directed the family in the way of Jesus. 

He stated that no matter what others said he never felt negative about his wife and that he was the most blessed man alive. My daughter beamed and the little family was the cutest thing that I've seen in awhile. What I also notice was that their friends had their little families there and those who did not have kids yet were married and very happy with it. 

Most of the couples stated that they were a part of 2r1n Christ and was learning that just emotional love was not enough. That the union was daily work but nothing worthwhile having didn't take work keeping.

This party was an eye opener. Just like the young lady on Feeling God "Marriage the Next Generation" the young want the stability of a Godly marriage. No matter what the world is throwing at them they are proving that God created it right from the beginning and they want to go back to the ways of the garden.

Thanks to all those young wonderful Godly couples who made us feel that our work is not in vain. That marriage has a place in the lives of the young and they want it GOD'S WAY!

Honey...what does Love mean to You?

THIS IS NOT WHAT I THOUGHT LOVE WAS SUPPOSE TO BE

LOVE

 a simple four letter word that packs so much meaning. We all have our concepts of that word. Many wars have been started in the name of love. Many couples break up because they have different definitions of the word. When asked you may get many answers. Some may say that love is a deep feeling of happiness. Others will say that love is an attraction. There are those who will say that its deeper than just liking someone. Its more than just friendship.

You have many who may think of love only on the physical terms meaning that love is a physical act. You have your bible scholars that will give you the meaning of unconditional acceptance. They will tell you that its a planned choice to love instead of an emotional one.

You will have yet still those who believe that love is only emotional or just intellectual or psychological. The thing is this when asked each person will have their own preconceived notion of love. Therein is where the problem lies. Most couples never take the time to find out what their mate may think love is.

When met with difficult seasons of marriage they result to thinking that the other is not showing them love. Many times that person is showing the love that they know and feel. Unless the other spouse fully understands what their mates concept of love is then they will never know if they are truly being loved by their spouse.

The bible teaches us that we have not because we don't ask. Such a simple thing to do. One day when you are not in conflict just relax and ask your spouse to tell you what they believe love is. Then you tell them what you see love as. Meet in the middle and always attempt to love your spouse in the way that they want to be loved. That is the choice in loving. Choosing to love your mate in the way that they would want to be loved.

Now the next time you are in a relax non-physical stimulating moment and just need to get your talk on I personally think that you need to ask a question.

How about this:

Honey....what does love mean to you?

 You never know it might lead you to that glorious physical moment afterwards!

Marriage is out of the Closet....guess what we still Love each other

Guess what guys we still love each other

I've noticed a growing trend. There are many married couples who are very happy in their marriage but afraid to let others know about it. That doesn't sound like such a big deal but in today's world when all we hear is the negative about marriage this would be a breath of fresh air. However many happy in love married couples are hiding in the closet afraid to let the world know that being in an God ordain marriage can be a wonderful relationship.  

All we seem to hear and see on the TV, news, talk shows and celebrity gossip is about who is about to or have broken up after "x-number" of years of marriage. We never hear a couple just sitting around and saying how they love their spouse. Even the average everyday husband or wife are reluctant to speak up about their love and happiness when it comes to their marriage.

Someone contacted us on facebook and stated "I love my husband". I wrote back and asked "what did he do for you to declare this statement to the world?" She just stated that he didn't do anything. She said that she wanted to stop hiding the fact that she was happy in her marriage and that they did get along. She said that they did have their share of the average marital difficult seasons but they had learned how to work things out while remaining happy and in love. That the both of them had decided that they would step out of the closet and declare their true love for one another.

I asked her if I could risk asking her husband if he really felt the same way? She did not miss a beat and before I knew it her husband had sent me an email. He just stated "RevLa I love my wife very much and I have gone on facebook and stated it to the world. I will no longer hide this wonderful gift from God. I don't care who knows this. My wife and I both would like everyone to focus on the God given beauty of the union instead of who couldn't make it and how hard it is. Or should marriage be for those of the same sex. Or should marriage be open or close to other people in the union. RevLa we are not there and we like where we are".

I would like to go on record to say that this is a young couple who have been married for 3 years. I know you are saying that they haven't put enough time into it for them to see the real reality. However they are not the only ones coming out of the closet. There are couples who are boldly declaring their love and happiness who have been together for many years now. Some of them have said to me (mostly the wives) that they really didn't want to appear as if they were flaunting their marriage therefore making other ladies who were alone uncomfortable.

I do feel for those ladies who are alone or not happy in their relationship and pray for them but there is no need for me to down play my love because someone else will be unable to accept it. As long as it is not done in a malicious way then just as I accept their situation they should except mine. We should be an example that God's institution does work and as long as we are His children and ask He will provide us with the same type of happiness as well.

So married couples its time to step out of the closet and declare your love for your spouse and your happiness in your marriage. Maybe then marriage will have a better picture in today's world.

I love my husband and I'm very happy after over 30 years of being one together in Christ. Guess what guys I'm out the closet too!!!

let us know how you feel about this