Never thought that retirement could become a marital issue

Love is great at any age

There are so many seasons of marriage I thought after over 30 years I had seen them all, but I found out that I was so wrong. Believe it or not there is yet another hurdle that married couples are facing now. That hurdle is retirement. Who knew that one day this could be a problem. For those of you who are not a baby boomer you are not faced with this dilemma so you could save this post for that time way in the future or you could read this and understand that proper communication is needed during every phase of marriage.

My husband and I as you well know are baby boomers. We are nearing retirement age. I personally want to retire yesterday and he wants to work until he drops. So where is the problem with that you ask? With us actually there isn't any. He knows that while I may stop working my full time job that I have enough going to equal three full time jobs and my nature is such that I will keep my part time job until I feel I no longer need to shop as if my life depended on it. But again we had to talk about how each other felt about this. My husband feels that he does not want us to struggle after attempting to do things the right way all these years. I feel the same way but I need to have the time to do my other endeavors while still working for support but not full time.

We came to a happy compromise because we knew that everyone had to be on the right page. I informed him that my body can't take the full time work outside of the home anymore. Ok people those who know me take a seat because I'm about to say something that will knock you to your knees....here goes...after all these years I suddenly want to be a housewife and take care of my husband in our empty nest...I know who is this woman!!! But all jokes aside this is where I find myself today. I want to do the work of God, run my little business, blog and write the great American novel in that order.

As a leader in marriage and relationship many couples are having a difficult time with this issue. According to the latest poles 62% of the married couples who are nearing retirement age disagree on the timing of their retirement. That is over 50%. Many wives who have come in the workforce later in life is just not ready. They are just beginning to peak in their careers. Depending on the age of the couple the one who is the oldest (and in most cases that is the man) that person is getting to the point where they are tired of going out each day and it's taking a toll on their health. Their attitude is becoming negative and the couple begin to have trouble with the marriage.

The younger one who still has to work or still wants to work feels that the one who wants to retire will become lazy and complacent. That person will not be able to pull his/her weight and that their standard of living will be greatly compromise. Resentment of the retired one's easy life style or feeling that the other person is living off the one who is working will bring about feelings of resentment and soon the couple begins to drift apart.

Some couples still have children in college that they are paying for or started their family late and may still have some children at home. The one still working outside of the home will feel abandoned. When you first get married this is not an issue that you think about. I know we didn't. I always felt that one day both of us would just retire at the same time and have fun. Or create a new source of income using our gifts that we never had time to use as we went out to work for someone else. I thought we would have all our ducks in a row and we would live happily ever after.

What fairytale was I looking at? Planning for your marital retirement should take place at the beginning of your marriage. You want to be in a good financial picture and you want to know how each other feels about their retirement goals. With our current economy many people are working longer than they had planned and that's understandable however one member of the couple should not place and ultimatum on the other member if that person feels its time for retirement. You have to work for the betterment of the marriage.

As we always state when you can't completely agree than it is good to agree to disagree. Seek help so that both will understand how each of you feel on the matter. Then attempt to compromise. In our case I did state that I would keep a steady part time income for as long as I could until our other adventures or retirement benefits kicked in. I would never do anything that would put undo strain on our marriage and relationship. Along with that a new lifestyle in budgeting would have to be adopted as well.

Once you have discussed when and how you want to retire then you need to have a plan on what you would do once you retire. Ok after the first two weeks of doing nothing but sleeping you need to come up with something else that will stimulate you and to help improve your health. We have already got back in the gym, have a house self renovation plan, ministry, and home business plan that we both want to do. I for one will remain very busy but not half as busy as I am now.

Many say that most people retire one year and the next year they are ill or dead. That really is not the plan if you remember that life does go on after you give up your day job. Its time to have fun and work in other ways. Make that record you always wanted. Learn how to speak another language, or learn how to play an instrument. Volunteer to help the needy or to teach a senior or a child how to read. There is so much to do just remain active. Plan to spend more time with your love ones.

Plan to spend as much time as you can with your spouse. The spouse that's still working don't expect a house slave and the one who's retired don't lay back and rest feeling as if you have paid your dues. Support each other in ways that you never had time to do before. As I said I never really had the time to just be a wife. It will be fun (for a little while until I wake up and discover that I'm not June Cleaver!!!) but for the most part I'm sure my husband will appreciate me for having this in his life and will try and make my life easy as well.

So just to add another phase to your very full marital lifetime. If you manage to stay married or even remarried by the time you hit middle age just remember there is still one more hurdle you two have to jump over....see it won't be so bad because you already know about it!!!

I Really Do Love Date Nights

Love at any age is grand

I must admit that even after over 30 years of marriage (closer to 40 than 30) that I just love date night. We found out early on in our marriage that date night was so needed. We married young, had children quick, had to complete college and get into the job market and home ownership. Things moved very fast and some days we really didn't see each other.

We discovered that it took most of our earnings to have child care so we decided that one would work days while the other worked nights. The beauty of God is that he put the right people together to do this. My husband is a day person and I'm a night person. So I worked during the night and was home with the children during the day and my husband was home with them during the night. This worked great for the children but didn't do much for our marriage.

We saw each other in passing. We missed each other and that's when we found out that we had to have a day that was just for us. In the beginning when the children were young we had our date nights every Thursday at home in our room. The kids knew that this was our time and once in bed for the night unless there was fire or impending death no one was allowed to knock on our door. During those times we had a picnic on the floor, played games, watched a movie as we cuddled or just rested in each other's arms. We always ended with physical intimacy but lets face it that was the highlight of the evening.

Now we are empty nesters. We only have to take care of the dog and each other. We see each other more than ever and we still have date night. Now in our vintage years we have become more creative with our date nights and its so much fun. With the invention of the smart phone we send texts during the day and say "I love you" in every language as a fun thing to put added spice on our date night adventures.

If you follow 2R1N CHRIST monthly you know that we have our Loveazine which gives you the monthly focus as well as date night tips. We have used these tips ourselves and I just look forward to what we are going to do each week. Sometimes we don't do anything but cling together and talk about our future dreams. At our ages you would think that dreams would be done but not for us. I think it has to do with our date nights. Many times we have our personal bible study time. It allows us to become more spiritually intimate with God as we bond together becoming one in Christ.

If you haven't started your date nights yet then I encourage you to start. If you need tips just click on the button on the website and we will send you our monthly loveazine. If that's too much work then each month we also post the loveazine right on the website.

 Keep the spice in your life and have fun. Date nights allows you to remember why you got married in the first place.

Is there any good news reported about being married

For those of you who have kept up with us for the past two years you are well aware of the new things that we have added to the ministry. We have a new section that focuses on Bride's fitness. We provide articles about getting in shape to wear your dress on that big day. We have also added the comic section where we take a moment to just laugh at ourselves as spouses. We have expanded our officiant service and have added the link to our new and improved officiant and events service website. While all of this is wonderful we have also added a section that focuses on marriage in the news.

We thought this would be a wonderful way of encouragement and focus on how other people are still enjoying being a couple for life. While in the very beginning I thought this would be so great and was so excited to look at news articles all over the world so I could find something that would be pro marriage. This month I became very discourage.

I had the hardest time finding anything positive about marriage. Every article dealt with some form of same sex marriage or divorce. There were articles about cheating and open marriages. There were many about how to get on after infidelity. I was becoming upset and wondering was anybody talking good about the union of marriage?

So I thought why not look up Christian news articles about marriage? Would you believe that I could not find one that spoke about the joys of being in a God centered union. They focused on cheating, recovery from infidelity and how to get through difficulties in marriage. I could not accept this so I went to the celebrities. Of course I found more of the same and just decided to just leave what I had from last month.

Then by the grace of God Ben Aflack and his wife Jennifer Gardner had there bouncing baby boy. Everything written spoke about them being a very loving family. That they pulled away from Hollywood so they could focus on their marriage and children without the influence of tinsel town. I didn't see anything negative and I took a moment to pray for them to remain in love and stable with the type of jobs that they had in the public eye.

Moral to this dilemma is that marriage is a creation of God and He will always have an example for us to see so we are encourage. Also we must pray for all married couples that they be able to weather the storm that has been raging against them. So there will continue to be "Amour in the News" on 2R1N CHRIST Marriage and Relationship Ministry.

There is No Spring without Winter

Hang in there Spring will come

I didn't want to talk about this. I know you don't believe me but really I didn't want to bring this up. I was determined not to talk about celebrities and their marriage. I was just going to let this one slide on by. But we have to face the fact that we are a marriage and relationship ministry and we are always looking at what's current about marriage in the news.

Unfortunately  we have those people who are in the limelight at all times and while its not always fair but even when they are having troubles in their home we are all up in it. Most of you have already deduced that I'm talking about the recent announcement to the break up of Seal and Heidi Klum. How could this have happened to them? This was the couple who had been married for 8 years and every year except this one they renewed their wedding vows. 

I was shocked when I found that out. How sweet I thought...how focus....what a wonderful way to place your marriage under the words that you said on that day. Many of us don't even remember what we said to each other. That day was a flash in most of our minds. We had worked so hard for that day and then all of the emotions and the words hitting your heart and before you knew it you were married and it was time to let go and have your party and cake.

Then marriage hits you and reality sets in and whatever you said that day not only did you forget but you wish you never said any of it. Those marital seasons hit you and as I've said so many times many of those hard seasons makes you want to really throw in the towel. But that is the real of marriage. The wedding day is just the icing on the cake of marriage. It's the highlight.

It is not the marriage. While I really don't know what this couple's problems are from an outsider looking in what I see is that every year they renewed their vows they wanted to be in the wedding day moment. It was not the words of the vows that was important it was the icing on that happy day cake. We can get addicted to wanting to be in the spring of marriage forever. 

It's a very nice season. All is fresh and new. The future looks bright and your worries are low. You are in that love with life mode and you don't have to face the real. While the concept of renewing your values yearly sounds good maybe what they should have been doing is learning how to work pass that season of promise and then working with those vows to keep then strong during the difficult seasons. Again looking from the outside in it appears that while every year for the first 7 years you played and kept starting over and over with vow renewals then when the 8th year came that real winter season the only way to handle it is to separate and seek the divorce courts. Then go public after each year before you stood smiling again after having your vows being read to you over and over.

This is the winter season that your marriage is in and you need to buckle down put on your warm clothing and shovel the snow. The cold, freezing weather that makes you just want to quit and sit someplace warm doing nothing. The season when in marriage no matter what you do or say things are cold and you are angry for no reason. It appears that your household is falling apart. That the person you married is no longer the love of your life and you just want out. You want to take a vacation to a warm tropical paradise and wait out the cold season.

In marriage you just can not do that. This season while cold and harsh is so needed. Its needed just like during the real winter it clears the air. It kills the germs  and prepares the ground for spring and planting. It puts you in close confinement where you have to deal with each other. Where you have to face what's in front of you...where you have to deal. This is the season that you grab each other's cold hands and you run to Jesus. 

You run and you fall down together on your knees seeking His direction and comfort. You reach out to your pastor and marriage mentors. You throw yourself into marriage ministry looking to find comfort in your searching. You turn on your computer and you find us. Marriage has difficult seasons but those that have walked through them can help you see your way clear. That's where those wedding vows come in.

That's when you remember for better and for worse.

 In richer and in poorer

 To have and to hold

 In sickness and in health

 Until death do us part

 The winter season is the time that you reflect on those vows. You stand on the word of God. You cling together so your marriage can stay warm. You pray and pray and then pray some more. You speak life into your relationship. If you find that the two of you are pulling apart for whatever reason it is then find out ways that you can reconnect. 

While it was stated that they lived very busy lives and their businesses kept them apart then they needed to see what really mattered. God, the marriage, the family, and then business these are the things in that order thats important. We all need to work we must earn our living but after our basic needs are met we must really look at our wants. We must seek the Lord's guidance and ask Him where to place our energies. We must always make and plan time for a date night. Daily time to talk about each other's lives and we must share our hearts during the winter seasons more than another season.

What we must not do is run. Give up. Throw in the towel because just like the real winter season it always comes before spring. Ever notice how much more we appreciate spring after we have a very hard cold and difficult winter? The seasons are needed in life. In a marital couple's life you must stand strong together and then vow to love your way through whatever is facing you.

I have been in prayer for Seal and Heidi and their family. I heard an interview that he did where he spoke with so much love about his wife that I really feel with some mentoring and Godly support they will be a happy couple again. Remember Jesus said He will give us His peace. The Holy Spirit gives us love and joy. Happiness is a byproduct  of joy. You want to have the fruits of the Holy Spirit during this time in your life. I will continue to keep this couple in prayer.

I still feel for them because we should not have to know all of their personal business but that is also part of what they give up for fame. I pray over all married couples because right now marriage is being attacked by satan and we must stand strong and together praying for one another. 

So as I said I really didn't want to speak about this but its needed. You never know maybe some of the celebrities will read this and find a way to live and love in a marital state of bliss. Or as close to it as possible.

So when you are in the cold of winter remember that spring is right around the corner. We love to officiate over the couples who are just starting their marital lives. While the vows are said with love and sincerity  we always have them seal their vows with God's Word. We leave you with this very scripture that we have all of our couples say together. We leave this for you and for us so that we can  remember this during our harsh seasons as well.

Entreat me not to leave you, or to return from following after you, for where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people, and your God will be my God. And where you die, I will die and there I will be buried. May the Lord do with me and more if anything but death parts you from me. Ruth 1:16-17

Seek To Know Each Other Before You Leap Into Marriage

Seek to know each other before you leap into marriage

Recently we are seeing people get married one moment and then less than three months they are filing for divorce. Many of these marriages are blasted in front of our faces because these people are considered famous or everything that they do is public knowledge. 

There was a time I would not feel for these so called celebrities. I would have thought that they got what they sort...fame. However now i know that people are just that people. We want love and companionship no matter who we are. We all have our ups and our downs but at least when we are down or make a mistake the world does not need to know about it. 

Marriage is so important to us that whenever something is going on that involves marriage we look into it. So when a famous singer announced that she and her husband were divorcing after only 16 or 19 days (not sure of the exact number) my heart just hurt. I was upset and felt like here we go again another couple jumping into marriage and pretending. Another couple who does not hold the marriage commitment as sacred. When I voiced this my very own daughter corrected me.

She said "mom its not her fault. She didn't know that this would happen. From what I read they had friends who interfered and she found it impossible to be together as a couple. I really think she wanted her marriage." Her statement made me stop and look at the situation more closely. While I still had my reservations I had to wonder why this marriage lasted only days and another couples lasted only two months.

I came to one conclusion. While I have no information about the two couples. I'm not sure if they sort counseling or not but I do know that every couple should have pre-marital counseling before they say those "I Do's". As an officiate I marry a lot of couples and whole myself accountable for their union as God holds me. Many couples who seek our service don't use them because I make it clear that they must take the six-week premarital counseling course. 

This course is set up so that each aspect of their life is identified with a scenario that the couple as well as myself can discuss. The couple has to talk about as well as write out their answers to the questions. At the end of the course we talk about anything that concerns them face to face. They always have a written account of their sessions for future problems. 

Having these sessions are no guarantee that you will have a happy and lasting marriage but these sessions offers you insight as to how your marriage will progress. It offers the couple tools that they can use to help with possible stumbling blocks. It allows them to talk about potential concerns before they happen and it allows the couple to show each other how they will naturally react to the situation.

Many couples are so excited about being in love they forget that marriage is suppose to be for a lifetime. Many things can go on in a lifetime. People grow and change marriage does the same thing. Starting out in marriage with realistic goals and holding each party accountable for their role in the marriage. 

We teach that God is the Head of the marriage and that all truth is in God. Our marriage must be given over to Him and we must follow His direction. We must remember that marriage was created by Him and it is He who can tell us what is needed and how to last together for a life time.

Our marriage ministry has placed a six week pre-marital counseling session online for those couples to obtain and we don't have to be the officiate but we will answer their questions and give them God's guidance. Marriage is too important to enter into it lightly or without help. We must understand each other and attempt to go into it to last for the duration of our lives. We must learn that the couples goal is to become one together in Christ Jesus.

My prayer is that those celebrities who are going through this difficult period  would seek God to comfort them and to show them who their true mates are. Also that all couples before marriage seek counseling so that they have a chance to have that bliss know as a happy loving marriage.   

Has It Come To This?...The Only Way To Be Happy and Married Is To Marry A Vampire!

Are Vampires our only choice as a suitable spouse?

I am a lover of fiction. That is the best way for me to relax. To sit down with my favorite beverage and in my cozy chair. With my blanket with the arms already on it that way I won't get cold as I turn the pages of my book or press the bottom on my nook. Don't get me wrong I love reading the latest vampire craze. However what gets me is to see that the only way it seems that anyone can be in love or have a happy marriage is to be with a vampire.

I do understand the Twilight craze and True Blood. In fact I like both of these (well maybe not all of the Twilight saga) and they make the vampire lover so alluring. He out shines any man that God could ever create. But lets face it people not only is it fiction if this so call lover existed he or she would be dead. How in the world could anyone want to be touched by something dead? Having a spouse that when you touch them they feel cold as ice. When you lay on their chest there is no heartbeat. And in the latest part of the Twilight saga Breaking Dawn she not only marrys the vampire but gets pregnant. OK this is a stretch even for me. A dead man creating life with a living woman....really!!!

Believe it or not there are ladies and some men who are secretly wishing that they could marry a vampire. How crazy is that? Has marriage sunk that low that we would rather be with a fictitious dead man or woman who happens to come out at night and live on the blood of the living. Is that what love and marriage is all about? Us desiring to share our intimate lives with an undead creature.

Sure its fun and entertaining and really would make a great date night movie adventure. But its when I see or hear people emulating the vampire life because they would rather be this creature than what God has made them that's when I start to see just how sick the world is becoming. I'm for married couples playing out their fantasies with each other during their datenight fun time however that's where it should end.

Many reading this may think that I'm taking it to the extreme. But how much does TV and movies influence the lives of the young and the lonely?

I know for one when I was young and read the romance novels I expected life and love to be just that way. I looked for the knight in shinning armour. I expected my married life with my knight to be happily ever after. But the truth of the matter is that we are living in the real world.

A world that's hard and some times uncaring. A world that will not show love in the way that it was created to be. That's why we need God. We need Him to guide us into all truth and teach us how to love each other and to be mates for life. When we follow the creator of love and marriage than we will be able to endure in this harsh world. We will be able to stay together during the hard seasons of marriage.

We will desire each other instead of looking at fiction and wanting our lives to be like the minds of a gifted writer. Marriage is always a work in progress. When we remember that then there is nothing that will come our way that we can not work together with God as our leader and solve.

Personally I don't do well with cold. I don't like cold weather and I know I could not live with a cold dead person and having that person drinking my blood or even the blood of animals to live. That person who could never walk in the sun light or as the latest vampire stories they can walk in the sun light but will glow and appear strange. This is fiction and makes a wonderful spooky story. But that's where it stays in fiction land.

When we get married we come together to become one in Christ Jesus. We build our lives on the rock of God and there is nothing that will bring us down as long as we follow the real author of the life novel.

Don't get caught up in the nonsense of the world. Remember that the Creator makes all the rules. Love the living and enjoy one another as you grow together. Allowing Jesus to direct and guide your union.

So what do you think?..... let's talk about it.

The Wedding Ring

Together forever

The Wedding Ring

"The symbol of joining together in life and love. Once you put that ring on my finger I had no intentions of taking it off. It let the world know that I was in a union. A union that was blessed by God. Even if I didn't have one I would know that I belonged to you and you to me as we belonged as one with Christ. But sometimes when I least expect to I'm looking at my ring and thinking about how I love my wife and being a couple together in marriage."

This was the answer that my husband gave when I asked him how did he feel about his wedding ring. I didn't expect his answer in fact I never thought about the rings I wear. After getting his answer I began to think about the wedding ring and what it really meant.

During our ceremony and when I have married many couples we speak about the rings. The fact that it is an outward symbol of our union. The wedding ring is a complete circle. That continues from beginning to the end and onward. The ring is worn on the third finger left hand. This finger has a direct line that goes directly to the heart. This means that your marriage with its symbol is the closes thing to your life line your heart.

Many men don't wear their ring. Some say because they are not allowed to wear it at work this we can understand. Others say they just don't want to wear it. That has always bothered me because he should want the world to know that he has his special lady and that he is hands off. Many ladies state that they don't like to wear their rings. Most say because they can't at work but many say that they don't have to wear a ring to be married. That is true but this token was a major part of your wedding day and something that you can always look at that will lift your mood when you are having a really bad day. Or when you are upset with your spouse just looking at that symbol will take you out of that bad mood.

I do understand that a ring is not the marriage but just like what my husband said I do find myself still looking at my rings that are over 30 years old and maybe outdated and thinking how beautiful they are and how proud of my husband that I am for giving them to me. I want the world to know I belong to someone and just back off. Don't waste your time.

I love looking at the different wedding rings both male and female. I love to hear the story about how the female was asked and was she surprised or not. I love to see the glow in her eyes when she looks at her hand and thinks about her husband. Likewise I found that most of the men that wear their rings love them and are proud to be married. I see that they take their wedding vows serious and the ring is like a daily reminder of this great act of love. 

So what comes into your mine when you look at your wedding ring? Do you still wear your ring? How many times have you thought about the vows you said as you placed that ring on your spouse's finger? Let us know really what you think.

With this ring I do thee wed!