What is Love?

What is Love?

This question has been asked so many times. Each time its asked you get a different answer. We have looked at love from the bible's point of view and we have looked at love from the world's point to view. From what I can see is that Love is the creator and like God love is pure, kind, and true. 

In marriage love is the glue that seals the relationship but it's not the only thing that keeps the relationship growing. Love in its purest form in a marriage is selfless. Wanting nothing but to please the other person. While this is great it appears to be one sided and true love will never allow another to be placed in a situation that is so one sided that everything is flowing out and nothing is coming in.

On our wedding day we just focus in on the surface of love. We have that all time feel of how love makes you feel vs. how lasting is love once trouble begins. With marriage love is a daily choice. It has nothing to do with feelings. It has to do with caring enough for another that you are willing to let certain things go. You are able to decide that while you may not feel it you still love anyway. 

When I think of love not only do I refer to the scripture in Corinthians but I look at the true source of love. That is God. He is love. Pure and simple. He never has to love us but He does no matter what we do or don't do. By His example we too have to love our spouses in the same way. We must love them even when we don't like them. We must love them when they prove themselves unloving for a moment or two. We must love them when they are not showing us love. When we do this in our marriage then our foundation becomes stronger and love grows. 

That seal that will keep the couple united for the course of their lifetime. So in answer to our original question "What is love?" I can only answer that love is God and His ways and examples. When we love His way there is no doubt that we will love for a lifetime.    

From This Day Forward

Love at its best

From this day forward, I make a promise whatever happens you shall not walk alone. I’ll stand by your side, and sleep in your arms. I’ll be the joy in your heart and the food for your soul. I will bring out the best in you always, to be the best I can be, just for you, to celebrate with you in the good times, to struggle with you in the bad. Always your love, always your best friend. 

The above paragraph is the beginning of the wedding vows that I sometime use when I'm officiating. In fact during the last wedding the couple chose this one. As I was saying it and having the couple repeat it I like to watch their faces. In nine times out of ten both begin to cry at this point. I have to fight back the tears so I can continue with the rest of the ceremony myself in most cases.

I have the couple repeat after me together as I'm saying this part of their vows. They are facing each other and speaking to one another as their love ones look on. It's a way for them to make their wedding vows more practical yet loving before they go into their individual ones. As I listened to the last couple I looked over at my own husband. He acts as my assistant during the many ceremonies. He smiled at me and we both knew that this opening had great memories for us as well.

Then their words resonated into my ears and heart and once the wedding was over my husband and I sat in the car and talked about the meaning of those words.We focused on the intimacy of the vows. As it opened with "from this day forward". Just the opening offered changed for any couple. It states that a promise will be made on the day of their wedding. One that you don't plan to break. It breaks down what the promise is...that they will never walk alone. They are promising each other to be there so that as a couple neither will have to worry about being left by themselves.

Each one has determined certain things such as:

Standing by each other's side

Sleeping in each other's arms

Being the joy in each other's hearts

The food for each other's soul

From there each couple vows and promise to bring out the best in each other always and to allow their partner to bring out the best in them. They promise each other and God before all who loves them that they would celebrate together in the good seasons and struggle together during the bad seasons always united in marital love. Then in the end just going back to the wonderful joy of real deep committed love. However not just intimate romantic love but love of two friends and lovers.

As we sat looking at the beautiful garden that the wedding took place and saw the joys as the couple celebrated their union, we smiled and recommitted our love for one another. Those words still meant a lot to each of us. That when we stood in front of our officiant and friends so many years ago that we wanted to always be each others lover and each others best friend. 

Sometimes just go back and revisit the vows that you made on your wedding day. Remember the love then and look at the love now. In our case while that day was so great and I know how much I loved him then.....now after over 30 years I know that I love him even more now. Because now we have seen the promises made come full circle. We have laid in each other's arms. We have not been alone since we became one. We have been the joy and food for each other during good times and bad. We have struggled together.

We have praised together and we have laughed together. Then in the end of it all we have been each others best friend. Seeing, that our love was protected and sheltered from harm. We have been intimate with each other on all levels of intimacy and no matter what we want the best for the other. 

So in the end we begin with open promises but we end up with those promises and vows coming to life. Marriage is more than a piece of paper. More than a cause. More than just material and lawful benefits. Marriage is a celebration of a lifetime relationship of unity between the couple and God. The one who formed the union in the first place. Take time to see your love at the beginning of your marriage and now just to see where you are in the whole scheme of marital love.

All we can say is that: From this day forward.....true love has no expiration date!!!   

Facebook and Marriage

Facebook can be a great tool when
we remember to use it to edify each other

Do you think that posting about your marriage on Facebook is a good thing or a bad idea? While I feel that it's a great arena for positive encouragement, mentoring and teaching I find that many use it to brag or provide a false image of their union to make the world think that they are happy when they are not. 

I don't think its good to post on Facebook about what's going on in your household. We don't need to know if your husband brought you a new this or that. We don't need to know what you fixed for dinner or didn't. We don't need to see pictures of you kissing and looking into each others eyes as if the world was there when you two are fighting in real life. 

If your marriage is a fantasy that's great if that is what you two want. However we don't need to see something fake and think its real. What that does is cause someone who is in a difficult season of marriage or who is not married to want what you have or envy your marriage thinking that something must be wrong with them.

You don't need to use that media to air your dirty laundry either. We don't need to know these things. We need to see something that is real. Something that will edify our marriages and teach us how to live and love each other as God created marriage to be. Many times I read some of the post and I know the couple personally. I know that they are having grave martial issues that need a Christian counselor to assist them.

Yet I read the post on Facebook with one or the other couple stating how much they love each other. What a wonderful day they had and how their marriage is so great. They don't need to pretend to the Facebook world that their life is so great nor do they have to talk about how bad it is. What they should be doing instead of posting fake nonsense is communicating with each other and working on solving the real issues in their marriage.

Developing a daily marital life is hard enough that you don't need to have the world peeping into your marriage window. The moment that the truth comes out then you have invited others to put their mouth on your relationship. Many are hoping and praying against your union because you have invited others to look at your perfect martial world and because its fantasy envy sets in then jealousy. 

Your marriage must remain between the two of you and God. As marriage and relationship ministry leaders we have to sometimes open up our union for teaching purposes. We made a deal with each other that certain things would never be exposed to the public even in teaching. We made a vow with God to present our ministry from the truth. We give you the good and the bad along with solutions.

What I'm trying to say is that I'm not against Facebook or social media. I have many true virtual friends. I always attempt to give a positive word from God as much as I can. When I do speak about my marriage I do not attempt to make anyone feel slighted because they are not married or their marriage is currently in a difficult season. We as children of God must be mindful of each other and always walk in truth with love. Now do I fall short of this? Of course because I am not The Christ...but I try very hard to do what will help build the body. I know that my assignment is in the area of marriage and relationship and God holds me accountable for falsehood. 

So next time that you just want to brag about your perfect marriage then tell it to your spouse. Don't get on Facebook and let the world know when you really need to only keep such things between your spouse and God. Understand there is nothing wrong with an honest post about something you find great about your mate and your marriage. But make sure its something that's uplifting and would edify the people. 

We don't need to know your everyday as if to say in your face losers because I'm married and perfect and you are not. Remember social media can be a great tool for building the Kingdom of God. Just remember that what you write is there to stay and should be a way to help somebody.