What is Love?

What is Love?

This question has been asked so many times. Each time its asked you get a different answer. We have looked at love from the bible's point of view and we have looked at love from the world's point to view. From what I can see is that Love is the creator and like God love is pure, kind, and true. 

In marriage love is the glue that seals the relationship but it's not the only thing that keeps the relationship growing. Love in its purest form in a marriage is selfless. Wanting nothing but to please the other person. While this is great it appears to be one sided and true love will never allow another to be placed in a situation that is so one sided that everything is flowing out and nothing is coming in.

On our wedding day we just focus in on the surface of love. We have that all time feel of how love makes you feel vs. how lasting is love once trouble begins. With marriage love is a daily choice. It has nothing to do with feelings. It has to do with caring enough for another that you are willing to let certain things go. You are able to decide that while you may not feel it you still love anyway. 

When I think of love not only do I refer to the scripture in Corinthians but I look at the true source of love. That is God. He is love. Pure and simple. He never has to love us but He does no matter what we do or don't do. By His example we too have to love our spouses in the same way. We must love them even when we don't like them. We must love them when they prove themselves unloving for a moment or two. We must love them when they are not showing us love. When we do this in our marriage then our foundation becomes stronger and love grows. 

That seal that will keep the couple united for the course of their lifetime. So in answer to our original question "What is love?" I can only answer that love is God and His ways and examples. When we love His way there is no doubt that we will love for a lifetime.    

Facebook and Marriage

Facebook can be a great tool when
we remember to use it to edify each other

Do you think that posting about your marriage on Facebook is a good thing or a bad idea? While I feel that it's a great arena for positive encouragement, mentoring and teaching I find that many use it to brag or provide a false image of their union to make the world think that they are happy when they are not. 

I don't think its good to post on Facebook about what's going on in your household. We don't need to know if your husband brought you a new this or that. We don't need to know what you fixed for dinner or didn't. We don't need to see pictures of you kissing and looking into each others eyes as if the world was there when you two are fighting in real life. 

If your marriage is a fantasy that's great if that is what you two want. However we don't need to see something fake and think its real. What that does is cause someone who is in a difficult season of marriage or who is not married to want what you have or envy your marriage thinking that something must be wrong with them.

You don't need to use that media to air your dirty laundry either. We don't need to know these things. We need to see something that is real. Something that will edify our marriages and teach us how to live and love each other as God created marriage to be. Many times I read some of the post and I know the couple personally. I know that they are having grave martial issues that need a Christian counselor to assist them.

Yet I read the post on Facebook with one or the other couple stating how much they love each other. What a wonderful day they had and how their marriage is so great. They don't need to pretend to the Facebook world that their life is so great nor do they have to talk about how bad it is. What they should be doing instead of posting fake nonsense is communicating with each other and working on solving the real issues in their marriage.

Developing a daily marital life is hard enough that you don't need to have the world peeping into your marriage window. The moment that the truth comes out then you have invited others to put their mouth on your relationship. Many are hoping and praying against your union because you have invited others to look at your perfect martial world and because its fantasy envy sets in then jealousy. 

Your marriage must remain between the two of you and God. As marriage and relationship ministry leaders we have to sometimes open up our union for teaching purposes. We made a deal with each other that certain things would never be exposed to the public even in teaching. We made a vow with God to present our ministry from the truth. We give you the good and the bad along with solutions.

What I'm trying to say is that I'm not against Facebook or social media. I have many true virtual friends. I always attempt to give a positive word from God as much as I can. When I do speak about my marriage I do not attempt to make anyone feel slighted because they are not married or their marriage is currently in a difficult season. We as children of God must be mindful of each other and always walk in truth with love. Now do I fall short of this? Of course because I am not The Christ...but I try very hard to do what will help build the body. I know that my assignment is in the area of marriage and relationship and God holds me accountable for falsehood. 

So next time that you just want to brag about your perfect marriage then tell it to your spouse. Don't get on Facebook and let the world know when you really need to only keep such things between your spouse and God. Understand there is nothing wrong with an honest post about something you find great about your mate and your marriage. But make sure its something that's uplifting and would edify the people. 

We don't need to know your everyday as if to say in your face losers because I'm married and perfect and you are not. Remember social media can be a great tool for building the Kingdom of God. Just remember that what you write is there to stay and should be a way to help somebody. 

What Every Couple Needs

We had no idea when we decided to get together with friends as three happy Valentine's couples just what we would discover. We are all in ministry either ministers, deacons, or the director of music in our churches. We each have separate ministries outside of church. The guys are also together in an up and coming male gospel group and we the ladies are their supportive others. Then we have outside work and families to take care of.

So to say that we are very busy is really an after thought. We met for our routine group meeting and at that time we had decided that the married couples would get away for Valentines day. One of the couples had a time-share and obtained a log cabin that would house all of us. We would go down to the wilderness for a long weekend. It was up to the ladies to plan activities and the food. We were told by the men that they would be fixing our Valentine breakfast on the Sunday before Valentines day. They also let us know that they would take the ladies out for a fancy dinner the Saturday before.

The ladies planned the food and the fun. We came up with a theme and worked the entire weekend based on that theme. We named it the "three R's". Rest, Relaxation, and Romance. We were determined to have a free weekend with a focus on the three R's. The ground rules were that no one could bring any work with them. That we would not talk about work or ministry. That we would have an old time "just have" fun weekend.

The cabin in the woods was great. I was in charge of coming up with the games, music, and the food for the first night. Our goal was to make it easy for everyone. We obtained trays of food already made up. Since all the ladies were on diets we were told by the men that the diets were off for the weekend. We got around that by having good food but healthy along with cake and candy. We had surprise gifts for all the couples to take home to remember this wonderful weekend.

We decided that we would work the three R's in reverse. The first night was relaxation. We got there and the first couple had the fire place going and all the rooms assigned. My husband and I brought in the food and set up the music. The third couple started the conversation going as we set up the table. We had decided that we were going old school. We were going to have a PJ party. The guys were sent to get on their PJ's as we decorated the room and got on ours. When they came back to join us they were shocked to see the room turned festive as if we opened a Valentine gift card from Hallmark.

We danced to music that we grew up with. We laughed and joked. We did old dances that we did as youngsters. We ate great food and talked about how each couple met. We stayed up to 4am that first night and then retired to our rooms. The next morning we woke at different times and went back to sleep as we wanted. Finally we all got up and in Pj's went to the table and ate the food we had left from the night before.

Today was Romance. We decided where we would go out for dinner. And each couple got ready to go. It was funny because all the couples ended up showering together in their separate bathrooms. We had not showered together in years. We went out to dinner and had a wonderful relax time. After dinner we stopped past the grocery store so the guys could get the breakfast for the morning and we got snacks for the night and dinner for Sunday.

We went back to the cabin and started our evening of Romance. The guys were such good sports. We had every game we could think of that we grew up with to play. Each game such as hide and seek or truth or dare and even spin the bottle all had an adult married theme. We played music and had so many twist to the games. Each game brought the couples closer together and ignited their love for each other.The last game ended in a way that each couple retired to their bedroom for their night of romance. We had love music playing all night and had games for two once each couple was inside of their haven of romance.

We had already informed the guys that Sunday was the third "R" and it was rest. The ladies were not going to do a thing. It was great the ladies got to sleep late and the guys got up and fixed a breakfast that any great chef would be proud of. They set the table with the nice china. Had the candles lit and when we came out each husband had sticky red hearts all over their faces. We fell out laughing and just enjoyed our meal and day of rest.

We went back to sleep, watched TV, listened to music, had deep conversations and heated up the meal we brought the night before and sat down for dinner. My husband kept saying this weekend is "priceless". Of course the ladies did not want to leave. We had the option to stay one more night but bad weather was predicted and we all had to be back at work early. The ladies pouted like children and the men (who didn't want to go either but knew that somebody had to be adult) push for us to leave late that Sunday night.

We cleaned the cabin and got everything in order as per the resorts directions. We came together and everyone gave their gifts to each other. We got into a prayer circle and prayed and gave thanks to God for the wonderful glorious weekend of love. Every couple rekindled their love for one another and had benefited from the three "R's". My husband took parting pictures and everybody gave hugs. We all left to go back home and had a peace that is still carrying the couples today.

So what does every married couple need? Sometime either alone together or with other loving couples. A get away for a day, weekend, or a week of the three "R's". Rest, Relaxation and Romance. Make it fun and get out of your comfort zone. Just enjoy the gift of love that God has blessed you with.

And oh yea.....do it often as you can

In fact the couple three are doing this again in April only this time we are going to the beach....The three "R's" here we come again!!!

PRICELESS