Butterflies

Love God's way will
keep you united during
every season

Valentine's Day is coming and most of us have a focus on love. Recently my husband and I have been spending a lot of time together. This is really a first for us. While we are close to 40 years of marriage during most of that time we had to divide our time together with all of the other things that we had to do to maintain our life. 

You know what they are building a God center life and home. Working, raising children, paying bills, just trying to make it while we grew together as a couple. Now we are empty nesters and I'm semi-retired. My husband however still works full time. Recently we have been blessed with him being off for three months on a long overdue vacation. He has had time on his hands and has been able to rest. We knew that he would be going back to the rigid pace soon so we just enjoyed this rare treat that God blessed us with.

It has been amazing to be together everyday just being a couple. We have found each other once more. Only this time things have slowed up. There are still bills to be paid but not as many. We still interact with our children but they are grown. Now we just go and play with our grandchildren. We still have to work but it's not in the same way. We laugh more than ever. We miss each other more than ever and we cuddle more than ever. 

Its as if another chapter has opened up for us. We are excited about how we will be when we both really retire completely. When we will be able to do the marriage and relationship ministry full time. When he can create his art and I can write my fiction novels. When we will be able to just do whatever we want to do together. During this short time where God has blessed us with a preview of how our life would be we are so grateful that we have each other.

We are so thankful to our Lord that He allowed us to see how marriage His way turns out. He showed us that as we continue to live as He ordered us to then every season will bring us to a unique lifestyle. One that encourage us to grow in Him and love deeper than we ever have. I never thought it could get any better than what we had and now I know that it's going to get even better. 

I encourage you all to keep growing and loving each other in the way that God created marriage to be. Enjoy each season no matter how tough it is. Never stop working hard to maintain your marriage on steady ground. Remember as long as you strive to become one together in Christ each season will surprise you with a joy that you never knew could be. 

One day married or 40 years married you will always look at each other and feel the butterflies. You will always get that feeling that you were meant to be. You will be complete and united. You will enjoy life as God has ordained it for you and know that you are never alone. You will be cemented together during the good and the bad. 

Then like the picture above you can say that:

"Your spouse still gives you butterflies"

I've Been Married for Twenty Years Without One Disagreement

I would like every married couple who has been married for at least one year to sixty years to raise your hand if you have never been angry with each other. I should not see any hands raised. If there are a few all I can say is :"Lies you you tell!!!" In the voice of the famous Tamar Braxton-Herbert.  There is no way that you can love someone and never have an angry moment. I have to admit my husband and I have been married close to forty years and while we have not had many blow ups we have had a few.

Disagreements is part of life. They will happen. A married couple should expect them because you can't always be on the same page on everything. So if we expect this to happen then we must put a solution in place when anger comes between the couple. First we must be honest with each other. Many arguments begin because one or both of the spouses are angry. They might not let the other one know that and before you know it they are  fighting over how to crack and egg. The problem was not the egg issue but the anger over something that was not conveyed to the other. 

When you are honest with your spouse about what has caused you to be upset then you open the door to a sound conversation and allow the love to replace the anger. Next you have to remember that anger will go away but the love won't. Your marriage is more than just an angry moment and so always look at the bottom line and that is the loved shared between the couple.

Agree to disagree and then go into neutral corners. Just like a prize fighter when the bell is rung the opponents move to a place away from each other. This is something that must be done so that each spouse can think about what's going on. During that alone time don't think about what's making you angry but look at the total problem. Attempt to look at both sides. Take your emotions out of it. Both spouses should separate for at least one hour. The first half an hour to calm down and the next half to think about your actions and your love. Plan to come together after the hour and converse calmly. If you still disagree then leave it alone for now and kiss and make up. Bottom line is the love. Pray together that a sound solution can be reached and no further problems come from that angry moment.

Learn to speak using your "I" words and never push blame on the other by using "you" words. Explain yourself from your own perspective. You can not speak for your spouse only for yourself. You might have heard it different from what has been said. By saying "I thought that ....." You are expressing the way you heard it or interpreted it to mean. This opens the conversation so that your spouse can explain what they were saying and why. Many times it was not meant the way you heard it or felt it. 

Don't go to bed angry. Remember to clear up the problem even if you have to pray on it to have a solution before you go to bed. You have to leave it alone and move on to the next level. When this is done then harmony and peace will remain in your marriage and before you know it the love is stronger than before.

If it appears that you are always angry at each other or arguing then you need to have an intervention with a Christian counselor, your pastor, or a marriage mentor. If you don't have any of these people to talk to then get with an older married couple who can offer some wisdom and insight. Join your marriage ministry group at church. Get with us here on the net and send us your questions and concerns. 

Last but not least learn how to say "I'm sorry" and "I made a mistake"..."Will you forgive me". Sometimes that's all it takes to fix the problem. However don't just say the words but mean it and provide change with your actions. Always remember that you love this person and have vowed to spend the rest of your life with him/her. 

As you grow in marriage remember that there will be times when you disagree. Once that happens then put your plan into action to solve the problem or problems and get back to the business of loving each other. Make sure God is the head of your marriage and seek Him first and then follow his leads. Never speak bad about your spouse to others because anger is short lived and you will be back together before you know it. You don't want your small marital problems to be the source of the next Facebook gossip. 

As the above picture suggests " Love is caring for people even when you are angry."